Sometimes I see people on a path similar to the one I used to be on, and my heart aches for the pain that might come to them. I wish I had listened to the little nudges of my Lord. Honestly, I wished someone had shared their experience with me. But the enemy shames us into believing that our stories are unique to us when we are all suffering in silence.
Oh, sweet friend, I don’t want you to suffer. So I will do my best to share my experiences, pain, wisdom, and knowledge with you.
The enemy uses isolation to get us alone and torment us. When we feel lonely and afraid, we try to escape our pain. We often zone out and pretend everything is fine because we don’t want other people to know we are suffering.
Somehow, the enemy tries to convince us the pain we are in now is better than changing. But it’s not. We are all just one decision away from a better life.
One of my best decisions was becoming the best version of myself and then sitting with the Lord and asking Him to help me and show me what to do.
For me, depression feels like hopelessness. It’s like finding myself in a place I don’t want to be and then choosing to live there every day. But hope gives me the faith and determination to change.
This morning, I remembered the day the doctor told me he would make me comfortable with pain medication. He had me on so much medicine that I couldn’t remember if I had taken my kids to school. I was numb and miserable and surprisingly still in pain. Now I’m not sure which was worse, the emotional or physical pain.
God came to me in the midst of it all and gave me a choice. I could continue lying in bed, trying to numb my feelings, or get up and live.
I will be forever grateful for my decision to get out of bed and fight for the life I wanted to live.
Instead of signing up for disability as my doctor suggested, I signed up for the gym. I cried through most of my workouts. I grieved over my new diet to remove the inflammation from my body. I battled so many demons along the way.
But I didn’t give up.
People now ask me how I am motivated and disciplined to eat healthily and work out. And I wish, in these moments, I could allow them to feel what I felt then, in all of the pain and misery, and see how I feel now.
Sometimes I feel like this is my second chance at life, and I don’t want to waste it or mess it up. If this is the price for living without debilitating pain, then I am willing to show up every day and pay the fee.
God has the answers for you, just like He did for me. Spend time with Him and ask Him what you need to do. Then do it with everything you’ve got. I beg you to do what you know you need to do. Please don’t stay in pain. Step outside the comfort of what you know and go after what you want.
It’s possible. With God, all things are possible.
Have a beautiful day!