Do you ever feel shattered by the weight of it all?

• By candidasullivan
• April 19, 2024
• No Comments

It was news I didn’t want to hear. I was in tremendous pain, day and night. All I wanted was for it to go away. The deep need to be out of pain helped me to understand why people get addicted to pain pills. Living every day in agony, with no relief in sight, is so hard. After a while, it messes with our minds. 

Anyway, I was a mess physically and mentally. I felt I couldn’t take it another minute when the physician delivered the devasting news. I expected some medicine to make me feel better and heal me quickly. When he told me I wouldn’t get better, and the pain was unbearable, I crumbled. He offered to keep me comfortable with medication. 

Somehow, I held it together long enough to get home. I crawled into my bed, pulled the covers over my head, and soaked my pillow with tears. 

I’m not sure that I’ve ever felt so hopeless and helpless. I didn’t know what to do. So, I swallowed the pills he prescribed and prayed for a miracle. 

The pills made me feel horrible. Not only did they numb the pain, but they numbed me. One day, when I couldn’t remember whether I had taken my kids to school, I knew something had to change. I asked God to please help me. 

Lying in bed, in so much pain that I couldn’t get up, God showed me a vision of a different life. I saw myself whole and healthy and playing with my kids. And in that moment, hope bloomed in my heart. 

We only realize the true power of HOPE once we are in the deepest, darkest circumstances. 

Through the darkest of my circumstances, God gave me a little spark of hope and showed me the miracle I had asked for. Despite what others had told me, God showed me another way. He gave me a different possibility. 

It was my choice on who and what to believe. I had to decide what I wanted my life to be. Every day, I am so incredibly thankful I chose to believe in God and walk by faith. 

My healing didn’t happen overnight. It was an excruciating process. I endured so many various treatments. Some helped me, and others hurt me. Looking back, my mind can’t even comprehend how I survived so much pain for that long without giving up. My heart, however, knows that it was HOPE. 

Dictionary

hope

noun

1. a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.

Sweet friends, God is powerful! He can take the most devasting circumstances and use them for good. God can heal, restore, and deliver us from evil. I truly believe the attack on me was evil.  

When I started writing for God, the enemy attacked my body, mind, and spirit. He wanted me to get mad at God for allowing me to experience so much pain. At one point, I couldn’t recover from one attack before the enemy hit me with something else. 

Every time I reached the end of my strength and just wanted to surrender in defeat, my God strengthened me. Some nights, He held me so I could sleep. Some days, God sent others to help me. He gave me scriptures when I needed them most and put songs in my heart of encouragement. 

Through it all, I learned the power of hope, faith, prayer, and the will to continue regardless of the circumstance. I got to know God on a deeper level. It’s one thing to know someone from a distance and another to have daily conversations and spend time in their arms. 

While I would NEVER want to repeat that particular trial, I’m so grateful for the gifts I received because of it. Satan attacked, but God delivered and blessed. 

Proverbs 3:5-6 KJV

5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

God is the way, and He has everything we need. 

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