I know what it feels like not to be okay. To plaster a smile on my face and pretend everything was fine when I felt as if I was dying inside. The problem with pretending is that we die a little more each day while pretending we are okay.
For me, there was great power in admitting I was anything but okay.
I was drowning in waves of anxiety.
My relationships were dying.
I was at rock bottom with my health.
And my soul was starving for some time with God.
However, I was never fully honest with God. I even pretended and hid my deepest thoughts from Him. I thought that, as a good Christian woman, I needed to have more faith than fear. And when I struggled with anxiety and panic attacks, I felt ashamed.
When someone asked me how I was doing, I needed to assure them I was okay and blessed. I pretended to be complete, even though I was starving to death. Sometimes, I wonder how different my life might have been during that time if I had peeled back the layers and been completely honest with others, God, and myself.
People don’t pray for us when we are good.
We don’t pray for ourselves when we try to pretend we are okay.
And God doesn’t answer dishonest prayers.
Sometimes, I am absolutely not okay. I feel crushed under the weight of my problems and the enemy’s attacks. In these moments, I’m not okay. And it really is okay not to be okay. We just need to be honest about where we are.
It’s not fair to my loved ones or myself to stuff my pain down inside of me. The stuffing and faking cause even more pain. But it’s so beautiful when we can be completely honest with God. He knows the truth anyway. And He loves us regardless.
Strength is in honesty. When I can gather all of my broken pieces, hurts, fears, lies, and problems and take them to God, He will show me how to sort and process them all. I’m not a perfect Christian woman, and I never will be. I fail and come short daily. But with honest prayers, God will forgive me and show me how to move forward.
He is my rock. If I want my life to be strong, I need to build my life on Him. I need to pray continually for guidance and forgiveness. There’s nothing we face that is too big for God. He cares about the big things in our lives as well as the small things. When we take our hardships to Him, He will show us how to overcome them. Each time we trust Him with our deepest fears and most significant problems, we get closer to Him.
God doesn’t want us JUST to live an okay life. He wants us to thrive and live inspired and be fruitful for Him. We start the process with prayer.
Take some time today to sit with the Lord and tell Him all the places in your life where you are not okay. And then ask Him to help you. Sitting with the Lord and sharing it all is a beautiful process. He loves you, sweet friends, and so do I.
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