Scars and Strength: A Call for Kindness and Respect

• By candidasullivan
• December 14, 2024
• No Comments

Looks like you’ve been widdling on your hands, he said to me. 

What did you say? I asked him to repeat it because I thought I had surely misunderstood his comment, and I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, but no, that’s what he said. 

When I told him I was born with Amniotic Band Syndrome, he told me he thought I had been in an accident that chopped my fingers off. With a room full of people watching the interaction, I tried to smile through the disrespect and the pity I noticed in the bystander’s eyes. 

I wish I could tell you that the incident didn’t faze me. But the truth is that it rattled me. I walked back to my desk with a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. 

THIS IS MY LIFE. It happens to me all the time. 

Regardless of the number of times this happens to me, I still never get used to the rudeness. It still feels like a punch to my gut every time someone feels the need to point out my scars with disrespect. 

If you want to ask me what happened in a kind and compassionate way, please do. I will tell you my story, and perhaps God will bless us with a beautiful moment together. 

But if you ask out of disrespect, judgment, or superiority, I will either not answer you or take a moment to educate you. I’m really tired of being belittled because I’m different, and I’m tired of pretending that it is okay. 

For so many years, others have treated me this way, and the heartbreaking truth is that I thought I deserved the disrespect and judgment. I felt so much shame around my scars that I took it and allowed the words to break my heart and damage my self-worth. I thought I just needed to raise awareness about my condition so others could understand what happened to me. Now I realize it doesn’t make a difference.

We don’t have to know anything about anyone’s condition or story to respect and be kind to them. 

Now, I know that I don’t need everyone to know my story or to raise awareness of my condition. I just need respect and kindness. I wouldn’t change my scars if I could, but what I would change is how other people treat me for having scars. 

If I could go back and speak to my younger self, that took the hurtful words into her heart and believed them, I would tell her that disrespect and rudeness are problems within the person speaking them. No one has a right to speak badly about our bodies. No one! Not even us. It is hurtful. 

Therefore, anytime we feel the need to address someone else in an ugly way, we need to remember these guidelines. 

1. If it’s not nice, don’t say it.
2. Don’t judge others. 
3. Treat other people the way you want to be treated.
4. Be kind.
5. Lift people up, instead of tearing them down. 

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