Reclaiming My Life: A Journey Toward Change

• By candidasullivan
• February 14, 2025
• No Comments

Do you ever get sick of yourself?

Right now, I’ve had it with myself. I’m so tired of my excuses and self-sabotaging behavior that I could scream. I actually cried because I was so mad at myself. I know what I need to do, but oh, how I am struggling to make myself do it.

I tell myself every day that I will start again tomorrow and make the changes that I need to make. But my tomorrow never comes.

I keep repeating my same habits and running back to my comfort zone. Every single time I choose the easier path, I hurt myself. Maybe not all at once, but those little pricks of wrong choices add up until they become mountains of pain.

Then, we feel overwhelmed because we don’t know how to climb out from underneath the hole we have dug for ourselves.

I am sitting with my pain and discomfort right now. I am choosing to feel it and process it. If I run away from how terrible this feels, I will never get the leverage I need to change it. And I refuse to treat myself this way any longer.

Today is the day we make a change. We change by taking action right now—not tomorrow, next week, or even on Monday. NOW! I refuse to treat myself this way any longer. I will not accept this behavior from myself anymore. The way I’m treating myself is not self-love. It is self-sabotage.

I am allowing the enemy to destroy me.

With every decision, we have two choices: God’s way or the enemy’s way. In my heart, I know the better option. I know which way I should go, but listen to the enemy as he beckons me to take the easier way.

Living on auto-pilot and repeating the same day is not living our best lives. It’s just creating pain. Sweet friends, I am so tired of creating pain for myself.

Will it be hard to make the changes I need to make? Yes, it will be. I will struggle and feel the discomfort of leaving my comfort zone. But it’s harder to sit in pain, knowing that I created it.

So, I will use my tears for change instead of regret. I will fight for the life I want instead of what is comfortable. I will be the best version of myself or die trying.

One thing I know for sure, I can’t continue on this path. It is unauthentic to who I am. It doesn’t glorify God or bring honor to Him.

Today, I am taking my life back and fighting for the blessings God wants to give me.