Out of the Darkness

• By candidasullivan
• April 20, 2026
• No Comments

So many times in my life, I have felt invisible. People saw my scars, but so many never saw me. The constant shrinking to try to fit in made me even more hidden. Living as a person, you think other people want you to be is heartbreaking. 

I never felt safe enough to share my opinions or my deepest secrets. I held them close to my heart and desired to be the kind of person whom others loved and wanted to be around. 

But hiding parts of myself that felt shameful made me feel hopeless and helpless. While around others, I smiled, laughed, and pretended everything was fine. But underneath the smiles was more pain than my heart could handle. 

Every day, I wrote goodbye letters in my mind. I thought about what it would do to those who loved me. I didn’t want to hurt anyone. I didn’t want to die. I just didn’t know how to live with the pain. I didn’t know how to face the hopelessness of my future. I was so scared. 

The enemy painted a picture of hopelessness for me. He took my greatest fears and showed me a life without those things. When he told me it wouldn’t get better, I believed him. He took advantage of every mistake and negative thought I had. 

The longer I listened to him, the more devastating and more heartbreaking my future looked. 

Sweet friend, if you understand this kind of manipulation and heartbreak, I have some hope for you. He’s wrong. The enemy is a liar. All he knows is devastation, but God has Salvation. 

God can deliver us from the deepest pit of despair and repair our lives. There’s no life He can’t rescue out of the darkness. 

If I could go back and speak to myself during that time, here’s what I would say:

Your scars are not shameful; they are purposeful and impactful. God will use all of your pain one day to reach others who feel the same way. You’re going to go into the darkness after them because you have the power of experience to teach them how to overcome and to light their way. 

You will meet the most amazing man who will love you unconditionally. Your boys will have your eyes and your husband’s hands. Raising them will be one of the greatest joys of your life. 

One day, all you will be able to do is cry tears of gratitude for how beautifully God worked it out for you. 

Please hear me, God wants to rescue you. You are important to Him. The enemy wants to destroy you, but God wants to restore you. He can redeem you. And give you a beautiful testimony to reach others who are traveling on the path of hopelessness as well. 

Jeremiah 29:11-13 KJV

11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

12 Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you.

13 And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.

Hope is evident in these verses. When I read them, I feel like God is speaking directly to me. He is telling me with full assurance and truth that He has good, peaceful things for me. The evil thoughts are not from Him. But He is the way to overcome evil.  

Never underestimate the power of prayer and what God can do when we seek Him with all of our hearts. He has all the hope we could ever need. Don’t let the enemy win. Pour your heart out to God. Tell Him everything. He is the best friend you could ever have. He wants you to be yourself and not sugarcoat your prayers. He loves you just as you are. 

When I first started, I didn’t really know how to pray. I felt intimidated by it. But when I learned how to let it all out, God met me in the pain. He understood what I was going through. And He had the plan to help me overcome it all. 

God showed me my value and worth through His love. When I met Him with honesty and the vulnerability of my situation and pain, He didn’t leave me. He held me and accepted me. He accepted that all I had to offer Him was the humbleness of my heart. He took it, transformed me, and made me new. 

I am not the same anymore. I am deeply loved and highly favored. I am worthy because I traded my destruction for His salvation.  

Sometimes we get saved, but we still live as our old selves. Redemption is choosing to live from God’s grace, not our sins. 

How do you want to live?