Letting Go of Perfect: A Mother’s Journey to Grace

• By candidasullivan
• April 21, 2026
• No Comments

I almost didn’t become a mom. I let my fears and insecurities convince me I wouldn’t be good at it. The thought of harming my child because of my hands swirled in my mind every time I thought about becoming a mom. What if I couldn’t do it all? 

Even though my mind shut off the possibilities, my heart longed for the opportunity. As a little girl, all I ever really wanted to be was a wife and a mom. 

When God blessed me with the opportunity, I wanted to prove I was worthy. I lived with a constant fear that something would happen to my kids that I couldn’t prevent. My husband worked night shift, so I was home with the kids by myself. That in itself was hard, but my fears made it even harder. 

I’m going to whisper something to you that I don’t know if I’ve ever shared before. I was so afraid that I would fail and my kids would be taken away from me. So I tried so hard to be the perfect mom. 

I was strict and tried so hard to mold my kids into the perfection I thought they should be. That if I did it well enough, no one would ever think I wasn’t worthy to be their mom. 

I wanted to be the Proverbs 31 mom. I wanted my husband and children to rise up and call me blessed.

Proverbs 31:28 KJV

28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

While they did call me some things, I’m pretty sure blessed was never one of them. Sometimes we can push so hard trying to be what we think that we are supposed to be, that we neglect to be what they need. 

What my kids needed was a loving mom who raised them with grace. Perfection is an illusion. There are no perfect moms with perfect kids. 

On the other hand, there is a perfect God who loves us all unconditionally. His grace covers all of our imperfections on both sides. 

The turning point for me was when God showed me how to truly raise them. It’s with love and a good example. I’m not supposed to tell my kids how to live; I am supposed to show them. 

I’m supposed to show them what unconditional love looks like in everyday life by how beautifully I love them.

I’m supposed to show them how to treat others, by how I treat them and how I treat others. 

I’m supposed to teach them obedience by how I obediently follow God and how I teach them obedience. 

I’m supposed to teach them responsibility by teaching them how to do chores and take responsibility for things they can do themselves. 

I’m supposed to teach them respect by modeling it for them daily. 

Not in a perfect, strict way, but in a loving, grace-filled way. 

Raising kids is the absolute hardest job in the world. If you feel the weight of it, sweet friend, please hear this. Let love and prayers guide the way.

The words that we speak to our children might become their inner voice. Do you want your child to hear harsh words of criticism or loving words of encouragement? Do you want them to feel the weight of perfectionism or the freedom of grace? 

Thankfully, God helped me on my journey. I remember sitting with God asking Him what I needed to do. My kids and my marriage were struggling. Knowing my most important relationships were in trouble, I sat with God. God didn’t give me a list of rules. He told me to love them. 

How do I fix my marriage, God? 

Love Him.

How do I fix the relationship with my kids? 

Love them. 

Slowly, I did as instructed. I let go of my need to control, and let God show me how to love unconditionally. It changed everything. It restored my relationships and made them stronger than ever. 

God knows what your kids need. And if you sit with Him, He will show you how to give it to them.