How God Taught Me to Forgive the Unforgivable

How do we forgive someone who is not sorry for hurting us? Or someone who did or said something we deem unforgivable?

I used to wrestle with these questions. Forgiveness was something I knew I needed to do because it was eating away at me, but I didn’t know how to forgive. I thought the only way to forgive was if someone asked for forgiveness. But the person who hurt me so deeply never asked me to forgive her. So I carried around the hatred and heartache in my heart.

Day after day, it continued to hurt me because I continued to think about it and to revisit the pain. Whenever I tried to pray, it seemed to stand between me and God. I couldn’t pray as long as I was wallowing in the heartache and feeling like a victim. And I soon realized that nothing is worth my power with God.

One day, when I was so over it, I asked God to help me forgive her. I wanted to let go of the pain. Although the incident occurred only once, I revisited it hundreds of times. Then God showed me that forgiving her was more about me than it was about her. When we hold grudges, it is like poison to our souls. Every day, I was continuing to poison myself. I could see the weight of the grudge and the toll it was taking on me. So I decided that I wanted to let it go.

Jesus gave us an excellent example of forgiveness when He was on the cross. They had beaten Him, spat in His face, and caused Him tremendous pain, and yet He asked God to forgive them. Not one of them, which had caused His pain, asked Him for forgiveness. Jesus forgave them because of who He is, not based on their sin or who they are. While they lashed out at Him with hatred, He offered them love. Love is the answer.

When someone hurts us, it often means they’re struggling in their life. Perhaps they don’t even know the Lord. If we match their hatred, then we lose a valuable opportunity to show them a little glimpse of our Lord. When we take our heartaches to Jesus and lay them at His feet, then He knows precisely how to help us overcome them. The moment we forgive, we take away their power over us.

I was headed to church one evening and God told me to stop by her house. I didn’t want to face the woman who had caused me so much pain, but I also knew that I needed to tell her that I forgave her. When I went in, I told her how badly she had hurt me and that through God I was able to forgive her. We both cried. And love covered the heartache. Now, when I see her, I can hug her and tell her that I love her because I do. She was able to hurt me so profoundly because I loved her.

We are all human. We all make mistakes. That is why God sent His Son to die for our sins. The blood of Jesus can cover every sin. When I struggle to forgive someone for what they’ve done to me, I think about all the things God has forgiven in me. I’ve lashed out with cruel words and hurt those I love deeply. I’ve also hurt myself by doing things that are not aligned with God. Regardless of the sin, God has grace for our every need. When we desire forgiveness, God will show us how to obtain it. The enemy wants us to hate, but we know that God is love.

I love these verses on forgiveness:

Mark 11:25 (KJV)
25 And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.

Ephesians 4:32 (KJV)
32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.

Who do you need to forgive today so that you can walk in God’s freedom?

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