Before You Blame Them, Try This

• By candidasullivan
• December 3, 2025
• No Comments

We can’t have a joyful life without God. To be peaceful, joyful, and content, God must be the very center of our lives. Without Him, we do the best we can, but we will always be searching for something in other people that only God can give us. If we want a better relationship with our spouse, our children, or anyone else in our lives, then we must first deepen our relationship with God.

So often, we think the problem is the other person. But in my experience, the problem is usually me. When I get into the trenches with the Lord and dig down to the root of my heartache, God shows me the real issue—not the surface irritation, but the place inside me that needs healing.

We teach other people how to treat us by how we treat them. If I am angry or harsh, then others will speak to me that way as well. But if I am calm, kind, and loving, I teach others to speak to me in that same spirit.

Before I look at the faults and failures of others, it is always best for me to look at myself. When I humble my heart and ask God to show me what needs to be refined in me, He not only reveals my errors but also shows me how to overcome them. Forgiveness and unconditional love are always His answers.

When we talk about our hard relationships, we rarely mention our own part in the pain. In our eyes, we tend to be the one who was hurt. But healing begins when we take responsibility for our actions and our responses. We do this by taking everything before the Lord—our hurt, our anger, our confusion—and asking Him to forgive us, lead us, and guide us.

Years ago, I was struggling with some relationships. One day, I asked God to help me fix them. I expected something complicated. A list. Steps. Instructions. Instead, He gave me one simple answer: Just love them.

So instead of focusing on everything they did wrong, I focused on loving them. And it changed everything.
Love doesn’t excuse someone’s behavior—it transforms our hearts so God can work.

When we look at others through a lens of love rather than judgment, we can see the soul of the person. We all sin, but God has enough love to cover every single one. It is not our job to punish or fix other people. It is our job to love them.

1 Peter 4:8 KJV
8 And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.