From Numbness to Fire: How I Found the Courage to Feel Again

• By candidasullivan
• August 27, 2025
• No Comments

I am fine.

How many times do we pretend to be fine? In reality, our insides are quivering, and we wonder if we can take the next breath. In those moments, we are anything but fine. We feel heartbroken, and we yearn to express our pain and seek the much-needed prayers. But we don’t ask because we want to be fine.

We don’t want to tell others about the pain inside of us, so we say we are fine. Maybe if we say it often enough, then we will be able to deal with the pain because the last thing we want to talk about is the pain that steals our sleep and threatens to destroy our lives. So, it’s just easier to pretend that everything is okay. Eventually, we become so skilled at pretending that we start to believe we are fine as well.

That’s when we start looking for other ways to cope with the pain because we want desperately for something to take it all away. Oh, how we just want it to end.

We eat to numb the pain, shop, scroll social media for hours, take drugs, etc., and stuff the emotions deep down inside of us. Doing this day after day causes us to become numb. One day runs into the next. And before we realize it, a year or two has passed, and we don’t really even remember them because somewhere along the way we have become lukewarm to our life.

Living in a numb state is dangerous because it feels comfortable. When we do just enough to get by, we have fewer obstacles to overcome. Nor victories to celebrate. We idle through life. Trying to survive the day. And then we get up the next day and do it again. Some people live through this cycle day after day, calling it a life.

I’ve been there.

Honestly, I would rather be in pain than in a place of complacency. At least when we are in pain, we know we need to make a change in our lives. The pain usually leads to change. But when we refuse to feel anything, we don’t even desire change.

Therefore, I desire to feel every single emotion of my life. All of it. The good as well as the bad.

I want to be on fire for my Lord. I want to live every day with passion and great love. I want to talk to my Lord each day and get my instructions for the day. Then, I want to do whatever He puts on my heart with my grandest effort. I want to lay my head on the pillow each night and know that I had nothing else to give my day. Then, I want to wake up each morning with gratitude for one more day, and the opportunity to do it again.

For the rest of this year, this is my goal. I want to be on fire for my Lord and help as many people as possible. My son left me a sticky note on my desk one day that said, “With great power comes responsibility. What are you going to do with it?” Talk about convicting my heart. God has given me the desire to help those who are suffering from the same things I have suffered with and then learned to overcome.

Sweet friends, it’s okay to admit that you are not fine. We all struggle. If you’d like to talk about it, please send me a message. I can share some things that have helped me.