Taking the Leap: The Struggle to Follow God’s Call

I’ve been asking God for months to show me what I need to do to take the next step. As He showed me this morning, I only wanted to cry. But these are not tears of joy or relief or even gratitude. Nope, these are tears of resistance and sorrow. I DON’T WANT TO IT.

The thought of it all makes me sick to my stomach. As horrible as it sounds, the inner turmoil is causing me to question my dreams and think about what it would be like to lose it all. I feel so torn. I don’t want to do it, and I don’t want to lose my dreams. 

Every step of this journey with the Lord has been so uncomfortable. As I exhale another breath loudly, I know the discomfort occurs before the blessing. In my heart, I know that God won’t let me fail. I know that if I step out in faith, God will help me. But it’s the first step by faith that feels so impossible. 

Right away, my mind wants to delay it for a while. 

Think about it for a while. 

You need time to pray about it. 

First, you need to learn more about it. 

While I know these things make sense, they are just excuses. If I believe them, they will stand in my way and sabotage my dreams. I know that everything we do is hard at first. 

I remember how uncomfortable publishing my first blog post and video felt. I also remember how I felt the first time I shared my story in front of a live crowd and my first experience being an author for the school assembly. It was all so difficult. But it led to great things. 

I can fight this, but in doing so, I will only hurt myself. Denying the Lord hurts us deeply and makes us miserable.

God called me to do this work. If I refuse, He will give my gifts and dreams to someone else, leaving me with regrets and a void that nothing can fill. Even as I process this all here, with you, I know that I can do it, I will do it, and in the depths of my heart, I know that I must do it. 

God has a plan and a reason for everything He does. He can see the needs and opportunities that I can’t. So, as I prepare to share more of my life with you all on camera, please pray for me. I never wanted to share so much of my life and thoughts. Truthfully, I want to hide in the shadows and be quiet, so I don’t bring attention to myself. 

But that’s not God’s plan, so prepare to be sick of me, to know more about me than you want, and to watch me follow the Lord, even if it scares me to death. 

One day, I will be so glad I took a leap of faith and followed the Lord. Just not today. Today, I might throw up. 

If you enjoyed this, please share it with someone else. 

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